nightly terror

And when the sun falls
and the new moon rises
I will stay awake til the point of exhaustion
I won't close my eyes til my eyes close me
My head will bob and I will drift towards sleep
And You will come
You dark cloaked figure
You haunt me for unknown reasons
You keep me scared and vulnerable
In my sleep I see you.
No face to be shown, nor voice to be heard
You just stand there
watching me. Sometimes
ghostly, horrifically,
you scatter, like
floating fluttering fabric in a wind storm,
a flock of a thousand flapping crows in my face,
a cackle in the background.
I cry myself awake
with clenched fists and tear and sweat stained clothes
I fight myself but not you.
What are you?
maybe, tonight, when I see you
we shall share words.
I feel you waiting
beckoning to me from my room,
in my head.
I'm getting drowsy. I'll be there soon
As much as I hate your visits,
you're my only constant.
Don't go.

gaah

get this feeling out of my chest
take my heart and turn it inside out
detach my heart strings from my brain
I dont want to think anymore

how can i formulate sentences to even explain anymore how fucking much you hurt me and how disposable i am and how easy I am to get over?! my fucking life is nothing without you. I smile. I laugh. I talk. I exist. I'm dead on the inside.
Leave me alone and get the fuck out of my head and heart!! let me move on. let me find someone i can be happy with. stop lingering and creeping. Stop keeping me yours when you're not mine. take this anger away. the anger that you always hated so much. now i'm just a shell. a walking carcass. I'm nothing more nor less. No inspiration. no motivation. a broken bleeding heart with legs and tear ducts ran dry.

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you
Never takes too long
no matter what I say or do
I still feel you here
til the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touch
keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
then to drown in your love
and not feel your rain
set me free
leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am
and I stand so tall
and I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
but you're onto me
You're all over me
oh, you love me 'cause I'm fragile
and I thought that I was strong
but you touch me for a little while
and all my fragile strength is gone
Set me free
leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
here I am
and I stand so tall
just the way I'm supposed to be
but you're on to me
You're all over me
I live here on my knees
as I try to make you see
that you're everything I think I need
here on the ground
You're neither friend nor foe
but I cant seem to let you go
but the one thing I still know
is that you're keeping me down
you're keeping me down
you're onto me
and all over me
Something always brings me back to you
it never takes too long..

See you later

And soon you will leave
to another province
with a girl you wished was me

We were everything together
those first two years
we were one and we were strong

Nothing I could do to make you love me less
Everything you did made me love you more
That's what love is
that's when you know that it's right

we were right
But now we are different people
We have different paths
maybe some day those paths will cross once again
when we are ever closer to who we are meant to be

I'm just happy I have you in my life
You are so very special to me
And words cant ever express that
We both fucked up
we both see that
my heart will always be with you
and I will always be my complete self with you
There is nobody else in this world that I am more comfortable with

Be safe on your travels.
Wear your heart to share
but wear it safe and guarded

Your spot in my heart is the biggest
And it will always be there
It will wait for you to come home
it will wait to see you smile
when you are sad, I will take every ounce of happiness within me
and send it to you
Because one day without a smile upon your face
is an eternity in hell for me
I promise that I will always be here for you
You can always confide in me
I will put all my feelings aside and be completely selfless
Just to guide you to safe grounds

Our love may not have been meant to last
But what we had was special
you gave me two of the best years of my life ... and then another rocky one ;)

I love you, Carolina

Be safe. <3



"And your eyes light up when we talk about the past
God, I miss those songs we used to sing
Talking like getting away would be the greatest thing
Well me, I got out,
And you, you kept singing to me
Like that's really going to set this free"

You, Her and Me

Smothered in lies
Let down by life
Behind her beautiful fake smiles
She secretly cries

Veins dried up and pumping dust
Her heart frozen;
As though time ever even mattered
And still she’s learning

Let your heart love
Let it break
Let it mourn
Let it grieve
Let it smile
Eventually let it die
Like a weltering flower

Cold hands in need of warmth;
Warmth found within your soul
Never dying but
Forever changing

Chemically, you act like oxygen
But I know your mass is different
Physically, you’re translucent
You show me your light, but you hide all your images

Eyes blinded with the sun shining through
Her darkness is shadowed
As she walks upon its thickness
And trips into its shallow waters

In the water she sees her reflection
She looks into her own eyes
And she sees the secrets she’s left locked up
Linked to her past; her own ball and chain

Cuffed against the tide
Weighed down by her own insecurities
Drowning in her pride
Lost, torn and inside-out
Cut deep within me so I can breathe without you