Mom...

The snap of my jeans as I fold my laundry reminds me of you. Now I discover that I have one channel without cable. Turns out it's CTV. Oprah is on. I hear it playing in the background, and without watching, this too, reminds me of you. Not only does smell remind us of our past and certain memories, but so does sound. I guess that's why some music has become tainted in our lives. As a child these things were comforting; I'm now 24, doing the same things as you and I am completely content in this moment.

<3

Black and White Eulogy

Black and white
This walking shell holds your ashes tight
Close to my stitched up heart
You and I, we wont ever part
Your blood pumps through this body
Your thoughts spark in my mind
Images fill these tears
For you and me
It has been four long years
I can still hear your voice
On the other end of the telephone cord
Miles between
But distance could never keep us
You wear your medals proud
Your voice booming loud
Louder than that contagious smile that you threw around
So freely
I try to remember new things every day
But these torn memories begin to fade
Your dying heart
Like this skinny love of ours
A piece of you in my every part
I’ll carry you with me always
Your jokes they echo in my head
You repeated them oh, so often
And still I can’t remember one..
How can two people so close
Become so divided and chained so far?
And through this world so black and white
Your colour will always shine through the brightest
And although every night I’m knocking at your door
It seems as though your in-between world may be
keeping you
But just in case you forgot
Tomorrow marks an important day
And it’s not the day of your death
I’m so proud of you dad…
For coming so far..
As tomorrow marks your 1,460th day
Of being clean and sober
And with only a few hours away
“Here’s a drink to your bones that this dog still
Dreams about”





♥ ♥ ♥ I'll hold this loss in my heart forever ♥ ♥ ♥

"we are all a little weird
and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whos weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love"
-Anonymous

Beautifully Imperfect

Being Happy doesn't mean that everything is PERFECT...
It means that YOU'VE decided to look beyond the imperfections..

I look beyond the imperfections

♥♥♥

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to

Happy birthday

I Still miss you

Just Breathe

X Marks the Spot

I drew an x today
The first I ever have
They say x marks the spot
What lies beneath it I know not
beating, i hear my pulse
it sounds like drums against my chest
A freak locked behind my rib cage
ripping at my hair
and pulling at my face
hands tied
eyes open wide
..its waiting...
..im waiting...
Life and death lie beneath that x
Living within is death trying to escape
And Life is dying to come in
I may be a little hallow
As I enjoy watching this tryst
Neither will lose this battle beneath the x
both will walk away winners
as Life and Death leave me in pieces
pieces in my bed, pieces in the shower,
Pieces in your ears, in your eyes, on the ground and in the air
I will leave a little piece everywhere I go
til one day I just cant go anymore
I will have nothing left to leave
And my purpose will be served
my last piece I will leave in the mirror
as i stare deep into my own eyes
When i realize that it was all only a fraction of what is really out there
I drew an x today
The first I ever have
They say x marks the spot
What lies beneath it, I know not

The Ones

I said that I would not cry for you
My boy, they say you were just a cat
How could I be so unfortunate
to lose my only two best friends?
Without you guys I feel so lonely
And with these idiots, its even worse.
I want to scream and shake this dry and shameless planet
Or at least the people that empower it
I want to wipe the feelings (they haven't acknowledged)
Across their brains and stick it to their nerves
Wake up and smell the fucking vanity
The filth and greed you live amongst
You walk with your head held so high
While these innocent pawns wither and die
Drugs, alcohol, starvation and poverty, just to name a few
But still, their pride so strong
Hope shines upon the needy and moves us all along
The 'Ones' that will know what to do,
They have the information
The 'Ones' someday to rise against
Your fucking time will come..
Your Karma will hang you up and cut you loose

Could it be?

my hands are dry
my feet are cold
eyes are glazed
im feeling bold
feeling lonely
free to say what i want
ill push you away
after all you had to say
that wasn't what you meant
or a 'read-between-the-lines' type of thing
my glands are swollen
from my lungs to my head
thoughts scattered
did I really mean everything I said?
Why do i have to be so abrasive?
at 24 I still react with one emotion
to the people who care most
Anger.
That has been eating at my insides
for far longer than anyone knows
temper tantrums as a child
raging at my sisters.
doors ripped from its hinges
my head heave.. heaving.. heaved
through beautiful stained glass windows
just to note the damage is far more on the glass.
on me, just a scratch. the blood wasnt enough
Bring it up a size.
A nice big pitcher window.
Hurl.. hurling.. hurled my head
through that thick paned glass.
finally what i wanted.
tainted my body,
drenched my hair,
dyed my clothing,
the colour of red.
When would it ever be enough?
how do i control it now?
Sometimes it bubbles
it rises into my throat
and pushes down the good
brings out the hurt
mine.
Could that dark figured man really
be..
my anger, emotion, and pain
manifested into a negative being
unleashed onto
me?
In reality unleashed onto
thee?



It takes a strong person
to make amends and apologize,
it takes an even stronger person
to listen and forgive.
I'm sorry. <3